B.O.R.E.D. - Jan 16, 2004

B.O.R.E.D.
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by Daniel Kaplan (archives)
January 16, 2004
Daniel's weekly look at the box office.

B.O.R.E.D
Box Office Reported Eloquently by Daniel

Reality TV
With the new year just beginning already the networks are hitting hard and heavy with "reality" tv programs. From the Bachelorette to Celebrity Mole to The Simple Life, it seems the shows just keep coming. With low production costs and high ratings, "reality" tv . . .er "unscripted" tv I should say are continuing to be a staple of network television. Just when you think it couldn't get wierder, a more kooky idea comes along. With the way things are going I wouldn't be surprised to see ABC list the following shows anytime soon:

The Vacationers: 10 families are given all expense paid trips to Walt Disney World provided they let cameras film their visit. What they don't know is that one of the families will receive $1,000,000 for completing challenges. Tempers mount as families fight during the Fastpass relay, requiring the families to collect a Fastpass from each of the four parks. Other events include the Parade-Saving Standoff and The Stroller Hurdle Run.

The Intern" 15 lucky candidates interview for a position at Walt Disney Imagineering. Challenges include building highly themed and expensive un-even pavement, researching and locating the most rare paint for use in attractions, leaking information out to websites without supervisors noticing and spending $120 million dollars on a popcorn cart.

Trading Offices: Is your cubicle drab and boring?? In this show two top designers help office workers swap cubicles and decorate in exotic and spectacular styles. My personal favorite is the Hawaiian Cubicle, complete with a glow in the dark Tiki statue, a waterfall cooler, a volcano that opens up to reveal the computer workstation and a surf-shack file cabinet.

Fraud: Players take on jobs they've never worked before and try to convince everyone they know what they're doing. It becomes obvious though when one the contestants drives a Kilminjaro jeep off the course and ends up showing guests exotic wildlife on I-192.

The Bachelor: Dog Edition: Rusty the Cocker Spaniel is lonely and looking for a new mate. See who he picks and who gets "sent to the doghouse."

Classic quote of the week: "No, no, I was transformed into a bear. . . magically." - Kenai from Brother Bear

Tragic quote of the week: "I was hoping you'd give me private lessons, Johnny." - Naomi from Snowball Express

This Weekend
Usually this time is known as the "dumping season" with many poorer films coming out because in the first few months of the year attendance at

theaters are low. Weather must be part of it as well as going back to school and jobs, but I think the fact that bad movies all come out around this

time just furthers the pattern. That's not to say movies can't do well, or that no good movies ever get released during these months. It's just a little

rarer than other months. With the Martin Luther King holiday this weekend, quite a few movies are premiering.

Along Came Polly is a Ben Stiller vehicle that promises much of the same sort of film he's usually involved in. The movie should hit well with the

young adult demographic and collect around $24.1 million dollars over 4 days.

Torque is a high-action thriller that from the previews looked very much like a long music video. Well, lo and behold, it's directed by a former

music video director. With a somewhat different audience than Along Came Polly, Torque should be able to pull in around $14.3 million.

Teacher's Pet is an animated film from Walt Disney Pictures. Based on the somewhat obscure television show, Teacher's Pet has a bit of an

off-beat premise and doesn't appear that "Disney-ish." With a bit of an up-hill climb in terms of notoriety, Teacher's Pet might only pull in about

$6.7 million.

Return of the King box-office has been a little more front-loaded than the previous episodes of the trilogy. A 23% fall would give the film $10.8 million.

Big Fish should fall about 18% to $11.3 million

Cheaper by the Dozen has been an incredible powerhouse with over $100 million dollars already collected. A small 15% decline would give the film $10 million.

With additional theaters this weekend, Cold Mountain should inch up around 6% to $9 million.

Something's Gotta Give will drop around 15% to $6.1 million

My Baby's Daddy and Last Samurai will drop 30% and 10% to $5.2 million and $4.1 million respectively.

If it was a Disney film Along Came Polly would be a direct-to-video sequel where Iago finally finds love.

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-- Daniel Kaplan
-- Posted January 16, 2004