The Humor Mill
Page 1 of 1
Daniel's weekly look at Disney news.
The Humor Mill
In the News
One of the more interesting stories to appear last week was from Orlando
Business Journal which reported plans to build another theme park in
Kissimmee, FL. The theme lands include Egypt, Thailand, Peru, Russia and New
Zealand. Interesting choices and almost strikes you as the World Showcase
rejects. Is New Zealand really a country that could be well represented by a
themed land in a theme park? Maybe it's just me but when I think of New
Zealand I think of sheep, Lord of the Rings filming locations, grass, sheep,
mountains and other beautiful scenic landscapes. And sheep, too.
WWE Wrestler Shark Boy has sued Robert Rodriguez for using the name Sharkboy
in his upcoming film "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl." I'm not sure
the suit is entirely fair, I mean how many exciting underwater creatures can
you use for an action hero? Somehow, Jellyfishboy, Anemoneboy, Garibaldiboy
or Kelpboy just don't work the same way.
On the Disney Cruise Line a new show entitled "Twice Charmed: An Original
Twist on the Cinderella Story" will soon begin playing to guests. The story
involves the Evil Stepmother's Fairy Godfather sending her back in time to
destroy Cinderella's slipper. Now I have a question: Why, if Cinderella is
female and her guardian is a Fairy Godmother is the Evil Stepmother's guardian
a male? Are all Fairy Godfathers evil? The show sounds cute as long as the
Fairy Godfather doesn't start speaking in an Italian accent.
McDonald's and Disney's 10 year agreement will soon be over and there have
been talks that the companies may not continue together. One wonders why
McDonald's could be dissatisfied by the amazing toy lineups from Treasure
Planet, Piglet's Big Movie, The Country Bears, or the Heffalump Movie.
And on that note I present...
The List
The Top 10 Worst Cooks in Disney History
#10 - Mr. Donovan from "Apple Dumpling Gang"
Maybe not all that bad, but how embarrassing is it to not even be able to cook the meal mentioned in your film title?
Maybe not all that bad, but how embarrassing is it to not even be able to cook the meal mentioned in your film title?
#9 - Katrinka Muggelberg from "Shaggy D.A"
OK, maybe not the worst cook in the world, but how can you respect someone who will start a mass riot to search through your pies? Especially when this riot leads to a pie fight which destroys your entire inventory?
OK, maybe not the worst cook in the world, but how can you respect someone who will start a mass riot to search through your pies? Especially when this riot leads to a pie fight which destroys your entire inventory?
#8 - Louie from "The Little Mermaid"
Who can respect a cook who get so easily distracted? Kissing your food doesn't seem very sanitary or too appetizing either.
Who can respect a cook who get so easily distracted? Kissing your food doesn't seem very sanitary or too appetizing either.
#7 - Annabel Andrews as Ellen Andrews in "Freaky Friday"
C'mon now, does it take that much brain power to realize that doubling the oven power isn't going to cook your turkey twice as fast? Apparently it's easy to burn turkeys, because the next worst cook is...
C'mon now, does it take that much brain power to realize that doubling the oven power isn't going to cook your turkey twice as fast? Apparently it's easy to burn turkeys, because the next worst cook is...
#6 - Scott Calvin from "The Santa Clause"
Not only burnt turkey, but flaming turkey. You feel sorry for the guy, but honestly is it really that hard?
Not only burnt turkey, but flaming turkey. You feel sorry for the guy, but honestly is it really that hard?
#5 - Ms. Price from "Bedknobs and Broomsticks"
Cabbage buds, rose hips and stew nettles? Blech! One hopes she marries Mr. Brown just so that the poor children will get a tasty meal once in a while.
Cabbage buds, rose hips and stew nettles? Blech! One hopes she marries Mr. Brown just so that the poor children will get a tasty meal once in a while.
#4 - Grilling man from "The Boatniks"
Not only does he set his food on fire, but he practically sets his whole boat on fire.
Not only does he set his food on fire, but he practically sets his whole boat on fire.
#3 - Robin Hood from "Robin Hood (animated version)"
Any stew that can cause a badger to blow smoke rings is questionable to me. Robin Hood's stew looks like it has the consistency of burnt cheese sauce.
Any stew that can cause a badger to blow smoke rings is questionable to me. Robin Hood's stew looks like it has the consistency of burnt cheese sauce.
#2 - Cookie from "Atlantis: The Lost Empire"
Must everything have lard? One hopes that proper medications were issued by Dr. Sweet after consuming his meals.
Must everything have lard? One hopes that proper medications were issued by Dr. Sweet after consuming his meals.
#1 - Katie Dooley from "Million Dollar Duck"
Applesauce with curry powder and garlic? Here's a question you don't want to think about, if the applesauce caused Charlie the duck to lay golden eggs, what would it have done to a human? Don't think about it too long.
Applesauce with curry powder and garlic? Here's a question you don't want to think about, if the applesauce caused Charlie the duck to lay golden eggs, what would it have done to a human? Don't think about it too long.
A Look Back
June 6th marked the 49th anniversary of Fantasyland Autopia. Many people have
said that the theming for Autopia never fit for Fantasyland, but I beg to
differ. A traffic free freeway is quite a fantasy for California I think.
June 7th was the 30th anniversary of Mission to Mars at the Magic Kingdom. I
think it's sad that none of it's sequels ever materialized. Voyage to Venus,
Jaunt to Jupiter, Sailing to Saturn, Navigating to Neptune, Undertaking to
Uranus and Piloting to Pluto all sounded like winners to me.
Today, June 10th is the 45 anniversary of the Pack Mules through Nature's
Wonderland. Which begs the question, how do you pack a mule anyway?
The World of Film
"Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is the big opener this weekend. With tons of press coverage based on around the tabloid reports of Brad Pitt, this movie is unquestionably well known. How this materializes into box office success though, remains a bit of a mystery. On the one hand some of the more negative press may be brushed off and it might just be good publicity. On the other hand filmgoers may be reacting negatively towards the reports and thus hurt the film's earnings. I personally feel that the publicity will pay off for the film and the absence of a "date-type" film (albeit a highly action charged one) should help the film easily win the weekend.
"Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is the big opener this weekend. With tons of press coverage based on around the tabloid reports of Brad Pitt, this movie is unquestionably well known. How this materializes into box office success though, remains a bit of a mystery. On the one hand some of the more negative press may be brushed off and it might just be good publicity. On the other hand filmgoers may be reacting negatively towards the reports and thus hurt the film's earnings. I personally feel that the publicity will pay off for the film and the absence of a "date-type" film (albeit a highly action charged one) should help the film easily win the weekend.
The other big opener is the somewhat experimental kid's film "Adventures of
Sharkboy and Lava Girl in 3-D." While Robert Rodriguez enjoyed great success
with his Spy Kids franchise, it will be interesting to see if he can persuade
the fans to see his new characters.
The other two releases, The Honeymooners and High Tension don't really seem
like huge moneymakers in the making.
This Weekend Prediction
#1 - Mr. and Mrs. Smith $41 million
#2 - Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl $16.5 million
#3 - Madagascar $16.5 million
#4 - The Longest Yard $16 million
#5 - Revenge of the Sith $15.5 million
#6 - Cinderella Man $13.5 million
#7 - Honeymooners $8.5 million
#8 - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants $6 million
#9 - High Tension $6 million
#10 - Monster-in-Law $4 million
#1 - Mr. and Mrs. Smith $41 million
#2 - Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl $16.5 million
#3 - Madagascar $16.5 million
#4 - The Longest Yard $16 million
#5 - Revenge of the Sith $15.5 million
#6 - Cinderella Man $13.5 million
#7 - Honeymooners $8.5 million
#8 - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants $6 million
#9 - High Tension $6 million
#10 - Monster-in-Law $4 million
If It Were a Disney film. . .
Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be about the wooden leg named Smith finally finding the love of his life, a walking cane named Robinson.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be about the wooden leg named Smith finally finding the love of his life, a walking cane named Robinson.
Discuss It
Related Links
-- Daniel Kaplan
-- Posted June 10, 2005