The Humor Mill
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The Humor Mill
In the News
Disney announced that the 31st version of Swiss Family Robinson is
scheduled for production. Ok, so maybe there weren't that many
versions, but it still strikes me odd. There have been plenty of odd
variations already, including the TV film Beverly Hills Robinson. In
case you haven't seen it, don't, it's pretty bad. One wonders what exciting
new twist will make this interpretation stand out. Maybe in this story the
marooned crew will all have strange unexplained reasons for being on the
ill-fated voyage that slowly get unraveled in a series of extensive flashbacks
and somewhere on the island is a strange unknown creature that stalks the
jungle. Nah, that would never work.
The Toy Story 3 plotline has been released. According to Reuters/Hollywood Reporter: "The story follows Buzz Lightyear as he is recalled to Taiwan after a series of malfunctions. Learning of a product wide recall, all the toys in Andy's room, under Woody's leadership, head to Taiwan to save Buzz from doom." Sounds like a cinematic retelling of the Rescuers incident from a few years back. From what I understand the current working title of the film is Toy Story 3: Total Recall. Other films Disney's working on includes A Day in the Life of Wilbur Robinson, a sci-fi picture about time-traveling. Sci-fi seems like a great genre for animation considering the major successes of Atlantis the Lost Empire, Titan A.E, Iron Giant Final Fantasy and Treasure Planet. Another computer animated film in the works, American Dog from Lilo and Stitch director Chris Sanders is going to feature a radioactive rabbit. Now that's cool.
The magician David Blaine has been sued by a man accusing him of stealing his supernatural powers. Remember the "good old days" when magicians would pull rabbits out of their hat or saw a person in half? There was also one of my favorites, the teleportation across stage by use of identical twins. Enclosing yourself in a box for 42 days? Not too exciting honestly. Which brings us to the list.
The List
The Top 10 Worst Magicians
#10 Fairy Godmother from Cinderella
OK, maybe I'm being a little too harsh but a spell that only lasts a
couple of hours? Not very impressive. At least the slippers didn't disappear,
although one wonders if the Fairy Godmother could create slippers that would
last indefinitely why couldn't she create a ball gown and coach that could
last beyond midnight.
#9 Magica De Spell from Ducktales
It seems to me that all her important spells involve Scrooge Mcduck's #1
dime. Maybe if her magic was more advanced she wouldn't need such a lucky
object.
#8 The Jester from Pocahontas II: Journey to
the new World
Honestly not too bad of a magician, but his annoying "Things are Not What
They Appear" song has just got to go.
#7 The Three Headed Troll from Malestrom
Why does the three headed troll (I think I'll call him Bill) send you over
a waterfall by way of the North Pole? Seems a little complicated to me. By the
time you actually get to the falls, your ship has the lost the necessary speed
and you end up reversing direction. Of course, maybe the whole plan was really
to get you down the other waterfall so you'd have to experience the boring oil
derrick show scene.
#6 The Wicked Queen from Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs
OK, sure she can turn herself into an old hag and place the princess under
an evil spell, but isn't the whole "love's first kiss" angle a huge loophole.
After all, Snow White is the fairest princess in the land and she's already
had a handsome young man profess his love to her. Couldn't she have just used
poison and saved herself all that trouble?
#5 Fritz from the Enchanted Tiki Room
Making audiences disappear hardly counts as magic, just ask Cast Members who
work Innoventions.
#4 Mickey Mouse
Let us not forget the little broom episode, shall we? Yensid was very upset
about it, especially when he saw the water bill for the month.
#3 Donald Duck
Maybe it's just the hat, but Donald Duck can't seem to be able to control the
sorcerer hat either. He also can't do the easy
"blow-on-your-finger-to-make-yourself-bigger" trick in Three Caballeros.
Maybe he just suffers from an inferiority complex. Being a duck who can't fly
must be very depressing to say the least.
#2 Bert from Mary Poppins
Obviously not very magical as he complicates such incredibly simple
tricks. Because you know anybody can jump into a concrete chalk drawing.
#1 Professor Emilius Browne from Bedknobs
and Broomsticks
The definitive bad magician. Professor Emilus Browne isn't only just
awful, but he makes his money being awful. At least he managed to pull the
transformation into a rabbit.