Dancing With The Stars Recap: Week 4

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It was Switch Week on DWTS and for some new pairs, the switch hit the fan. No one was booted this week, which did help for a livelier opening number (to a Will Smith song from 2005, no less) since no one was peeing their pants from fear…blah blah blah NENE LEAKES IS WEARING A BARRETTE! Julianne Hough was the guest judge and called herself, I’m paraphrasing, “The evil one,” which she was all night long. I wanted to go up to her and be all “Can you pick a career? Like, if you want to do movies, do that. If you want to live up to your ACM for Best New Artist, do that. But don’t come back here all butt hurt that you’re not on the show anymore. If you miss it, COME BACK! I would appreciate it!” That seemed rant-esque, but I do love her. What am I saying…Let’s get to the dances! BA BA DA BA BA BA BA BA BA DA BA BA!

Candace and Tony are the first new pair to perform and Tony’s goal is to create the character first, then the moves. According to the judges’ scores, he should have worried about the steps first. In the rehearsal, she was confused by the phrase “make it rain,” but if your brother is Kirk Cameron…can you blame her? There was a British punk overlay to the quickstep (obvi) and I thought it was a great way to open the show. All the judges hated on Candace’s posture issue (when you carry Michelle up and down the stairs, can you blame her?), which was likely due to the new partner. SEHVENs across the board.

James and Cheryl were next and I will bet my acceptance into UF that Peta and James are SO dating. The feeling I get from James is that with Cheryl, he misses making out with Peta and the taste of her mouth. Yeah, I went there. Anyway, they danced a really neat tango to “Dark Horse,” which is a fraking great song choice. Cheryl seemed happier that she could incorporate some more intricate moves into the routine, which the viewers appreciated too. It was my favorite dance from James thus far, but Julianne wants him to “tuck in your pelvis.” I’m going to leave that one be. 3 Nines and an Eight from Len.

After those dances, they did a “Professional Confessional” where they could reveal some things the stars’ new pros should know about their partners. Everyone’s was funny, but then Witney said about Cody “He looks at himself in the mirror a lot.” I’m out. *drops mic*

Drew and Witney danced a cha cha that was one of the most fun dances I have ever seen on the show. Though Drew called it “Dancing with my Daughter,” he seemed much calmer and more ready for anything with Witney. Cheryl called the relationship creepy. I concur, but who cares if they put out a dance like that! Really, he knocked it out of the park. All while rocking a gold suit. He should’ve received SEHVEN extra points just for the wardrobe. Bruno called it a balance between Elvis and Liberace. I concur again. Cheryl was seen from the balcony giving some PISSED off “So happy for him” smiles, cause you so know she wanted those big scores with Drew. 3 Eights and a Nine from Julianne.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h0dkM7QBEs

Macy’s Stars of Dance performance returned after a 1 season hiatus. Much credit to Derek (I know, get used to it ‘cause he really surprised me tonight) for choreographing this fantastic flamenco/paso doble number. It was inventive, sexy, and performed under a huge cloth…so a triple threat.

Danica and Maks got the ‘ole Chmerswapsky (Nice term, Tom!) and performed a jive. At first I was on board, but as it progressed and I thought about it later, it was just “eh.” Maks did get annoyed, however, with Danica’s constant questioning. Should we expect something different from a mathematician? No. The answer is no. Len said too much fluff, which I think was my biggest problem with the dance. Julianne pushed Maks under a frekaing freight train…but whateves. Do they get extra points for their use of a jukebox? Eights from all the judges.

Peta and Charlie danced a rumba with enough gel in their hair to start a White Snake cover band. Really though, with the bit of contemporary flair in it, it became an involuntarily 80’s-tastic routine. I was actually bored, not either one’s best, and Len and Carrie agreed. They both thought it wasn’t really a Rumba. Len wanted more hip action and Carrie Ann saw a lift…and you know how she is with her lifts.

CarrieAnnLift

James made a tweet towards Charlie saying, paraphrasing again, “BACK IT UP BUCKO!” which is SO a conformation that James and Peta are dating. (Is Olivia Pope nearby, ‘cause we have ourselves a #DWTSScandal!) 2 Nines, an Eight from Len and a SEHVEN (damn those lifts!) from Carrie Ann.

Amy and Mark did a salsa and, of course, the prosthetic “issue” was brought up immediately. Derek and Mark had to have a one-on-one to discuss how to dance with them. It’s getting really annoying. I feel like Amy doesn’t appreciate it being “the” topic for her dances, so why is it constantly the “story of the week” during her dances? Ugh. I’m annoyed. I’m also annoyed at, while great footwork, it was an incredibly boring dance. I’ve started to appreciate Derek a little more, however, because Mark did NOTHING inventive or fun with Amy. Just a major Snooze Alert. The judges, however, did not agree, giving her 2 Nines and 2 Eights from Len and Julianne.

Cody and Sharna were next. They danced a foxtrot. He sang at the beginning. If I keep writing about him, I’m going to start going off on how much I hate him, so I will abstain. 3 Eights and a SEHVEN from Len.

Nene and Derek went all…wait, I have breaking news…NENE LEAKES NOW HOW RED FEATHERS IN HER HAIR! This is a moment…a duel hair style night for Nene! She went all “Iko Iko” and Beyonce having a love child with her super cool (fire) and super energetic (again, props to Derek) jazz routine. While it was a little fluffy, she still killed it. My favorite from her this season. Eights from all the judges.

Meryl and Val. I can’t even. She is a #DWTSGoddess. Their Argentine Tango was gorgeous. Her leg flicks were flawless. So hot, so amazing…JUST INCREDIBLE, for the 3rd week in a row. Julianne wishes she could dance like Meryl, speaking on behalf of the nation. Of course, he received the highest scores of the night, with 3 Tens and a Nine from Len.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vmRZIFyoVM

The moral of this week, however…the band sucks…twice. They screwed up two songs and made two pair’s dances a tad iffy. But, the past is in the past, and next week is Disney Week! They said characters will be involved, which gets me excited for a Hercules and Daisy Duck paso doble. Let me know your thoughts on this week’s performances in the comments below or on the discussion boards!

(Carrie Ann courtesy of wetpaint.com)

Marshal Knight
Marshal Knight is a pop culture writer based in Orlando, FL. For some inexplicable reason, his most recent birthday party was themed to daytime television. He’d like to thank Sandra Oh.