Michelle Collins: Queen of ABC?

MichelleCollins

The View jumped in quality last season for many reasons. The cast’s chemistry increased, the environment was much more exciting, and Michelle Collins entered the picture.

I have loved Michelle Collins ever since I saw her on Kathy Griffin’s short-lived Bravo talk show. She was only on the first season as part of the couch of “civilians,” but her abundance of pop culture knowledge and her extremely high joke-per-word capita made me fall instantly in love.

Last year, when she started guest co-hosting on The View, I was floored. I couldn’t believe my favorite lesser-known comedian was on my favorite talk show as a host. She brought such a vibrancy and immediacy to the show through her humor that made her guesting days infinitely better than days when she was absent. I had followed her Twitter for years, but seeing her regularly on TV was even better.

Then, she became a permanent host and I was THRILLED. You don’t even know. I made a fellow coworker watch it with me every day. She was semi-amused, yet I was ALL-IN! My co-worker then left for “maternity leave” shortly thereafter, but I feel it was her trying to get away from my obsession. Whatever. Her loss.

Recently, it was revealed that Michelle will not be coming back for more of The View and I can not over exaggerate how completely and utterly devastated I was at the news. The episodes she wasn’t there for just didn’t have the same energy, so I would shut them off two minutes into Hot Topics. I needed more Michelle. Her deep cut references to pop culture made my day. The girls could be talking about something as random as Lincoln, Nebraska and she could turn it into a third tier Jim Carrey reference. (Yes Man, anyone? I’ll see myself out…) I was going to miss her so much!

After I stopped gorging on Cherry Garcia and stepped outside to embrace the muggy surroundings of Florida, I realized she wasn’t gone at all. In fact, ABC had picked her up and was holding on tight. FOR GOOD REASON.

With the recent unveiling of ABCd, which is ABC’s new online streaming platform, we were given the Michelle hosted All My Gay Friends Are Getting Married, a really delightful short-form series where Michelle interviews gay couples and asks all about their nuptials. The episode dealing with the couple who went to the Supreme Court for the Prop 8 case was really interesting and ended with the fantastic “Please stay tuned. Don’t ever leave me.” CLASSIC MICHELLE. I am obsessed. All episodes are available on ABC.com or on the app.

She is also hosting the currently airing Bachelor in Paradise after show, After Paradise. It airs live every Tuesday at 9 p.m. I don’t watch any part of the Bachelor franchise. I have never been able to get into it. Yet, I watch After Paradise like my life depends on my viewing. Let me tell you, some of the best jokes on television are happening on a reality television after show. I’m not kidding. You will be laughing your booty off with no knowledge of the show whatsoever.

ABC needs to hold onto her as long as they can. She is a comedic gift to us all, will surely brighten your day, and will help usher in a new brand of comedy.

I think the obvious next step for her and ABC is her own show. Now, I don’t mean a sitcom, I mean a night time talk show. Think about it: Only one woman is considered part of the “late-night” team, (Samantha Bee with her TBS show) and technically, she isn’t late night, as it airs at 10:30pm. CBS and NBC both have 12:35am programs, both doing rather well. ABC airs Nightline. If Michelle was given the 12:35 slot, she would receive great ratings, a place in television history, and a spot on the Mount Rushmore of ABC greats.

It could be 30 minutes or an hour. A late night talk show that isn’t so much Jimmy Fallon (games and viral videos) as it is Graham Norton. By that, I mean three celebrities on a couch chatting about anything and everything. No “bits”. No need to lip sync or sing in a car. Just hilarious conversation. I know that Michelle has listed Graham as someone she admires, so why not let her take on that role for an American audience? She is the perfect person to fit the job.

From there, she could do anything ABC wanted her to do and she would KILL. A new game show reboot with her at the helm? All over it! (May I suggest Hollywood Squares?!) Her hosting the Emmys? I truly can’t function at the thought. Michelle becoming the new George Stephanopoulos? I want her to get to the bottom of whether or not Paul Ryan is a Barb fan on Stranger Things. I AM INTO IT.

She has SO much to give to the world with her incredible comedic style. ABC would be a fool to let her go now.

Marshal Knight
Marshal Knight is a pop culture writer based in Orlando, FL. For some inexplicable reason, his most recent birthday party was themed to daytime television. He’d like to thank Sandra Oh.