The Humor Mill - Aug 5, 2005

The Humor Mill
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by Daniel Kaplan (archives)
August 5, 2005
Daniel's found humor on the Monorail and elsewhere in this week's column plus the weekly box office predictions.

The Humor Mill

In The News
While not entirely news related, recently I've notice a problem with the audio spiels on the Oonorail lines.  One consistent problem that comes up is the audio will cut out or skip over words.  A particularly funny glitch happens when the Monorail approaches a station.  When the doors open a "ding-dong" tone sounds throughout the cabin.  Well, quite often the spiel cuts out after it states, "Watch your step, take your children by the..." and then you hear the "ding-dong" sound.  It makes it sound like the driver is being censored or something and usually causes everyone to laugh.  And on that note I present...
 
The List 
Today's list is: The Top 10 Disney Chimes or Bell Sound Effects
 
#10 - Kaa
Who knew that a boa constrictor made such a lovely sound when pulled.  When Shere Kahn grabs Kaa's tail and yanks, it's pure comedy.  And animal brutality.
 
#9 - Theme Park Riverboats and Railroad Bells
Bells add immensely to the atmosphere of the theme parks.  It's hard to imagine going through the entrance of Disneyland without the distinctive sound of the Disneyland Railroad. After all, if you heard the Magic Kingdom Railroad that would be pretty disturbing.
 
#8 - Winnie-The-Pooh's Poohkoo Clock
While not exactly a chime, Pooh's clock is so cute it's amazing to me they haven't made a replica for people to buy.
 
#7 - Seance Circle Bell from the Haunted Mansion
Madame Leouta asks to "give us a hint, by ringing a bell," and then you hear a loud bell ringing.  Well, except recently when the sound effects are off so you hear a table being rapped on.  Why ringing a bell is that much of a hint of a ghostly presence is beyond me, I would think something much more involved like playing the marimba with your toes would be more convincing.
 
#6 - Tower of Terror's Elevator Chime
Equally chilling is the Tower of Terror's elevator chime.  After all, nothing is much more freaky than hearing an elevator chime in B flat.
 
#5 - Primeval Whirl's Bell
Why a wild mouse has a strange bell that sounds when you make the turns still baffles me.  There is though something oddly appealing about this sound effect.  Maybe it's the way it sounds, almost reminding you of a "well-done" chime from a kid's bake oven or a pretend cash register.  In any case, I couldn't imagine the ride being as much fun without it.
 
#4 - Goofy's doorbell
The cartoon where Goofy is attempting to hang a hammock on a tree that was a mountain lion's home features a most interesting doorbell.  It sounds more like a vibraphone than your typical piercing chime.  Why this never did catch on I'm not sure.
 
#3 - Gate chime from Disneyland gates
That wonderful "brrring!" sound the gates make in California is such a nice contrast to the cold and heartless noise the entrance in Florida makes.  Give me a nice Tinker Bell-esque chime over beeps any day.
 
#2 - Star Tours Paging Sound and Chime
Mr. Egroeg Sacul, paging Mr. Egroeg Sacul.  I love the chime from Star Tours.  It has a nice clean feel and it just makes me happy.  BTW, if you have one of those phones that let's you put in notes for a ringtone the notes are : High C, C, F, A, G.  I know, I'm a geek.
 
#1 - Tinker Bell's Chime
"You know it's time to turn the page, when you hear the chimes ring...like this!"  I used to get sad when the storybook used a different sound effect for indicating to turn the page.  Tinker Bell's storybook chimes remain my favorite, but you have to give credit to a character who only communicates through bells.  I remember the TV show when Walt Disney called Tinker Bell using a special bell that humans couldn't hear.  Ironic, isn't it?  We can hear Tinker Bell just fine, but in order to call her we have to use a bell we can't hear.  Now try explaining that one.
 
A Look Back
July 30th marked the 6th anniversary of Rock 'n Roller Coaster.  Has anybody else noticed the strange route you take to the Forum?  I think the road signs indicated in the ride would end you somewhere near Long Beach.
 
The same day also marked the anniversary of Tomorrowland Boats, later to be known as the Phantom Boats.  This ride started a valued tradition of Tomorrowland attractions that overheat and have lengthy downtimes.
 
August 3rd was Corey Burton's 50th birthday.  Corey Burton has seemingly voiced every Disney character possible from Ranger Woodlore to Grumpy.  One might wonder if a personal goal of his is to voice every obscure Disney animated character.  He even voices Chernabog, who didn't use to have a voice.
 
Today (August 5th) is the 38th anniversary of Adventures Thru Inner Space.  This rather trippy and bizarre dark ride took riders into the molecular level of a snowflake.  Now that's an interesting theming concept.  Nowadays we get boring concepts like missions to Mars or free hang gliding over California.  Back in the day though they got to explore the world on a molecular level. Ah, the good old days.
 
In the World of Film
OK, OK, last week I over predicted Sky High.  Honestly, I'm still a little baffled that it couldn't grab the $20 million needed to win last weekend.  This week it should see some legs though judging on its weekday performance.
 
For new films we have the remake of Dukes of Hazzard.  This film will be very interesting to watch box office wise.  On the one hand, the movie is somewhat isolating the original audience by being more risque and adult.  On the other hand, a whole new audience might be attracted to the picture.  I personally don't expect a flop or a major blockbuster, but something more in the middle.
 
#1  - Dukes of Hazzard $30 million
#2  - Wedding Crashers $14 million
#3  - Sky High $11.5 million
#4  - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory $9 million
#5  - Must Love Dogs $8 million
#6  - March of the Penguins $5.5 million
#7  - Stealth $5 million
#8  - Fantastic Four $3.8 million
#9  - Bad News Bears $3.5 million
#10 - War of the Worlds $3.5 million
 

If it was a Disney film... Dukes of Hazzard would be the third installment in the Princess Diaries trilogy in which Mia finds herself on the brink of war with the country of Hazzard. 
 

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-- Daniel Kaplan
-- Posted June 24, 2005