Guest Relations - Aug 20, 1999

Guest Relations
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by Chris Reed (archives)
August 20, 1999
DVDs, Eisner, Pokeman and Condorman … must be Friday.

Guest Relations: Now in High-Definition Digital Stereo

I have a confession to make. I'm a DVD nut.

Thus, I was excited by the news out of Disney this week that they will start releasing some of their classic movies on "Digital Video Disc." I started to salivate at the though of watching such favorites as 101 Dalmations and Mulan with a high-definition picture in CD-quality sound.

The only way they could have made me happier is if they announced that admission to all their theme parks would be free.

For those unfamiliar with DVD, think about it in animation terms.

A DVD picture is as crisp and fluid as the finest Disney animated movie.

A VCR is as ragged and blurred as an episode of Pokemon.

Beauty and the Beast or Pokemon, you decide.

The DVD just has so many capabilities that the VCR can't come close to.

For one, most DVD movies are presented in their original, widescreen format meant for the big screen. You'll be watching Peter Pan and say, "Hey, I didn't know Captain Hook was in that scene." You may even seen the hidden part of the movie where Alfred Hitchcock put himself in the movie.

At any time you can switch the spoken language in DVD. Lady and the Tramp will seem even more romantic when you switch the language button to "French." It won't if you switch it to "South Park" language mode. "Oh my god, they killed Lady."

Most DVDs also have special commentary you can listen to by the people who acted or produced the movie. In the Mulan commentary, hear Eddie Murphy talk about his regrets for making Holy Man.

The pause capability in DVDs is incredible. No jiggle, always a crystal-clear picture. This could have its drawbacks, as perverts around the country will be pausing every frame of The Little Mermaid, trying to see if the animators included any scene of Ariel naked.

Another thing sometimes in DVDs is the alternate endings for films that were never used. For Bambi, Disney will include the alternate "really happy" ending, where Bambi's mom comes back and says "Hi, Bambi! I'm not dead after all!"

A Kick to the Rear: At least Walt never had to worry about being fired.

Rumors are buzzing that Michael Eisner may end up taking the fall for Disney's recent profit troubles.

The all-powerful Eisner? The man who makes more money in a minute than most of us make in a year?

Some of the indications are there. Eisner has been spending the last week practically writing his epitaph in interviews with the media. He's even gone as far as saying it was a mistake for him to engage in a legal battle with Jeffrey Katzenberg. He's not sounding like a guy who thinks he'll be sticking around much longer.

It's so easy to take shots at Eisner. As Charlie Chaplin once said, Americans love to give the rich a kick in the rear-end, and that's not such a bad thing.

However, every Disney fan should be thankful for the day Eisner came to the company.

The company was in shambles when he took over, and fighting for survival. Without Eisner, Disney wouldn't have survived to make Beauty and the Beast or open Disney Studios and the Animal Kingdom. Thanks to Eisner, Disneyland didn't become "Ted Turner's Hanna-Barbera Land."

It wouldn't be such a bad thing if he stayed around. Think of it this way … Paul Presser is in line to take over the company if Eisner is removed.

Something Disney Fans Would Like to See: "First 200 visitors get a share of Michael Eisner's salary" day at Disneyland.

Something Disney Fans Would Not Like to See: "Random visitor has to pay Michael Eisner's salary" day at the Animal Kingdom.

Long Bomb Food: Former Miami Dolphins coach Don Shula is bringing his Steakhouse to Walt Disney World, and I've gotten an advance copy of his playbook.

OK, here's the plan. The hostess will do a spin move around the main counter, then ask "How many?"

At this point, we'll know the defensive posture.

From there, the waiter will evade the mouse and tall talking dog and try to get the order, making sure to check for a Magic Kingdom Club Card.

From there, the waiter will make an off-center run into the kitchen and give the play to the cook. He'll them pass the steak 40 yards to the table and earn the score.

If they should choose, they can go for the extra dessert.

What if It Was a Disney Movie: The Sixth Sense would be known as The 999th Sense. The movie would be relatively the same, except that the ghosts would be different. After the new opening narration by Paul Frees, there would be seen a woman in a crystal ball, a ghostly dance and singing busts. At the end of the movie, the audience would notice a hitchhiking ghost sitting next to them.
[Ed Note: We know The Sixth Sense was made by a subsidiary of Disney, but you know what he means.]

Until next time … Hurry back.

Chris Reed, who eagerly awaits "Condorman" coming to DVD, is usually a sportswriter whose column "Extra Points" can be seen on the Internet at Athlete Daily and in the pages of StreetZebra magazine in Los Angeles. DVD rental receipts can be sent to [email protected] or entered below.