Transcript

Buff
Hey Henry, what's holding ya up? Let's get on with the show! We can't hang around here all day.

Buck
Now Buff, be patient. It takes a little doing to set these things up.

Melvin
Yea, we ain't going anywhere anyhow.  We're kind of hung up here!

Henry
Okay, okay boys, take it easy, take it easy.  Now we're ready to start.  Sorry folks, I'll be right with you.

Henry
Give me a little intro there Gomer.
Howdy folks, welcome to the one and only original Country Bear Jamboree featuring a bit of Americana, our musical heritage of the past. But enough of this chit chat, yick yack, and flim flam. Just refrain from hybernating and we'll all enjoy the show, because we got a lot to give.

Melvin
Hey, he's a regular Liberace.

Buck
And he plays good too. 

Henry
And right now, I give you assorted assortment of executioners of music and song.  The Five Bear Rugs plus Gomer. Hit it boys.

Henry singing
The Bear Band bears will play now
in the good ole' key of G,
Zeke, and Zed, and Ted, and Fred
And a bear named Tennessee.

Zeke is twanging on the banjo
and tapping with his feet
or banging on the dishpan
with a real ole country beat.

Zed is sawing on the fiddle
with a crooked hickory bow.
When the spirit moves that bruin
he can make that fiddle go.

And Ted is on the cornjug.
Now I mean that bear can blow.
He also plays the washboard
with a handle on a hoe.

Big Fred's playing mouth harp.
He plays it kinds sad.
He never took a lesson.
He just picked it from Dad.

And little ole Tennessee bear
is featured on the Thing.
Sounds just like a guitar
but it's only got one string.

So clap your hands, and stomp your feet
and try to keep right with us.
One sure thing the bear band's got
is good old country rhythm.

So clap your hands, and stomp your feet
and try to keep right with us.
One sure thing the bear band's got
is good old country rhythm.

Wendell
Aren't you going to help me out over there Henry?  Goodness gracious!  What do you think we have you on the show fer.

Henry
Now Wendell...

Wendell
You're supposed to pick...

Henry
Now Wendell please...

Wendell
Ah, If you can't cut it, just lay out.

Henry
Well let's not fight now, cause we got work to do here.

Wendell
Let's do it.

Henry sings
Now here's a fractured folk song,
butchered by two birds.

Wendell sings
We wrote these lousy lyrics
and we also wrote the words.

Henry sings
The chords are very simple.
In fact, there's only three.
First there's G, then C then D.
And then you go on back to G.

Wendell
But you got to be quick!

Henry
Hahaha.

Ernest’s song has been moved from later in the show to here

Ernest                         
One night I left the wife at home and went out with the boys
I was acting like a Don Juan and making a lot of noise

Henry
"You old lover boy!"

Ernest
A gogo girl called my hand, I said,
"I can't I'm a married man"
She said if you ain't a gonna steal, you better not prowl.
"He's a born loser!"
Don't dosido with a gogo, if you can't bite don't growl.
If you can't bite don't growl.

The inserted Ernest section ends here and the old show resumes

Henry
And now a heart rendering ditty, by our own growler of song, Liver Lips McGrowl!  Sing it Mac!

Liver Lips sings
I got a woman, she's got me.
Whatever we do, we both agree
She ain't purty, but I ain't too.
The things we like are the things we do.

My woman ain't purty, but she don't swear none.
She's kinda heavy, don't weigh a ton.
She's my woman, through and through
I love her only cause my heart is true.

Wendell & Henry sing
Mama don't whoop little Buford.
Mama don't pound on his head.
Mama don't whoop little Buford.
I think you should shoot him instead.

Henry
-Bang!-

Henry
Yes, folks we only have high class stuff on this show. And now here is a special treat out of Tampa.  A little bit of ever loving cuddlesome fluff, our own Trixie!

Trixie sings
Tears will be the chaser for your wine.
After you leave this love of mine.
Bright lights and taverns,
That's where you'll spend your time,
and tears will be the chaser for your wine.

Henry
Beautiful, Beautiful.  That was a mighty big song Trixie!

Trixie
Oh thank you Henry!

Buff
That sure ain't all that's big.

Buck
Well, you're no light weight yourself Buff!

Henry
Boys, boys, watch your manners...

Melvin
Yeah, if you can't say something nice...err...

Henry
Boys, boys, okay now boys if you just stop carrying on like, we just might dedicate this next song to you all.  And we so dedicate.  Sing it Zeke!

Zeke singing
When I was young and in my prime.
I thought I thought never would marry
but I fell in love with a pretty little gal
And sure enough we married.

"Ataboy, Zeke!"
Ring-a-ding-ding Mary,
Prettiest little gal, I ever did see.
Her name was Devillish Mary.
"What a gal!"

Hadn't been married but about two weeks
She got as mean as the devil
And every time I looked cross-eyed
She'd hit me on the head with a shevill.
"How sad."

Ring-a-ding-ding Mary,
Prettiest little gal, I ever did see
Her name was Devillish Mary.
"What a pity!"
Her name was Devillish Mary.

Wilbur
How long is forever?
How soon is now or never?
How long will this heartaches linger on?
and how long will my baby be gone?

Henry
Now, here they come, those little sun bonnets from the sunshine state, Bunny, Bubbles, and Buelah! 

Sun Bonnets
Everytime I meet a guy who gets me shook
all I ever get from him's a dirty look.
It's the same way, everwhere I've found.
All the guys that turn me on, turn me down.

All the guys that turn me on, turn me down.
Nothing works for me that I found.
It's the same way everywhere I see.
Nothing ever seems to work for me
Nothing ever seems to work for me
Doodle Doodle Do-Do-Do Bum Bump.

This is where the Ernest section used to be

Henry
My my. Now here she is, that delightful, delicate, dedicated dimple darling of the Dakotas.  The last of the big time swingers.  Swinging Teddi Berra!  Swing it Teddi!

Buck
Wowwee, here she comes...

Teddi singing
Well there he goes,
he hardly knows the heart he's breaking.

Henry
Lovely, lovely!
Teddi singing
I talked to him,
but I don't think he understood.

Buff
Oh sing it gal.

Teddi singing
Oh just forget about the plans
that we were making.

Henry
My my.

Teddi singing
Heart we did all that we could.

Teddi
You all come up and see me some time, ya hear?!

Henry
Yeah, as soon as I find a ladder, I'll be right up!  Uh-huh.

Big Al
There was blood on the saddle
and blood all around
And a great big puddle
of blood on the ground!
Hehehe

Henry
Born on the mountain top in Tennessee
greenest state in the land of the free.
Raised in the woods, so he knew every tree.
Tamed him a b'ar when he was only three.

Davy, Davy crockett. King of the Wild Frontier.
Up through the woods, he's a marching along
making up yarns and a singing his song.
Itchin' fer fightin' and rightin' a wrong....

Henry
Hey, wait a minute!  Hold the phone down there, you've had your turn.

Sammy
Henry, Henry, we've need help!

Henry
Right Sammy!  Hey gang hit it!

Cast singing
Well he's big around the middle
and he's broad across the rump,
running 90 miles an hour
making 30 feet a jump.
He's never been cornered
and he's never been treed.
Some folks say he's looks a lot like me.

High on the mountain,
tell me what do you see?
Bear tracks, bear tracks,
looking back at me.

Better get your rifles
before it's too late.
Bears got a little big,
and he's headed through the gate.

He's big around the middle
and he's broad across the rump,
running 90 miles an hour
making 30 feet a jump.

He's never been cornered
and he's never been treed.
Some folks say he's looks a lot like me.

Henry
Hehehe, well as you can see, we're just one big happy family.  Well folks, this concludes our show. So thanks for bearing with us to the bear end and barrel around to see us again.  What do you say Sammy?

Sammy
I say you all come back, ya hear...

The walkout song remains