Rhett Wickham: Polly Gets a Wake-Up Call
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LP
Do you remember any of your act?
PH
Remember? Please, Knock Knock…..*ahem* KNOCK knock.
LP
Oh, sorry…who’s there?
PH
China
LP
China who?
PH
China make me look bad? Serve these people faster, bartender!
LP
….
PH
‘China Make me look bad? Get it?
LP
…
PH
Never mind. Anyway, the tourists ate it up. One night this chap who had been staying in the hotel for weeks, always sequestered away in his room with a typewriter finally made his way to the bar after a show one night and struck up a conversation with me and Hu. He was very interested in my take on the situation in China, and I was particularly vocal about the need to be more involved in opening up relations with Mao. He sat and listened and took notes, and then next morning I saw him checking out. The manager motioned to me, so I floated over and this fellow introduced himself as Mark Helprin.
LP
The novelist and political writer?
PH
Yes, one in the same. He gave me a card of a fellow working on a political campaign for the former governor of California, and told me he thought I should give them a call. So I did.
LP
You worked for Ronald Reagan?!
PH
No. Richard Nixon. From 1967 to 1974 I was a speechwriter for Nixon.
LP
You’re kidding.
PH
“I am not a crook�?…sound familiar?
LP
Wow!
PH
Finally, when Nixon resigned I had banked enough money to leave Washington and move to London. So, like almost everyone in the Nixon White House who wasn’t either in jail or under indictment, I packed my bags and left the country.
LP
Why London?
PH
I had a dual citizenship thanks to my Parents having been born in the British Virgin Islands, so I simply wanted to get away from politics and America for a while and ended up opening an elocution school in Knights Bridge.
Our host is yawning and apologizes for the need to cut things short, but he has a matinee on Sundays and wants to get home to get enough rest for the last show of the week. We’re actually the only diners left in the restaurant. He invites us over for breakfast to finish the conversation, and we gratefully accept his offer.
The following morning we arrive at a posh upper-east side doorman building where we are sent up to the penthouse. We are greeted at the door by P.H., who is busy calming his ten week old miniature poodle named Fifi, a birthday gift from producer Cameron Mackintosh.
He shows us inside what must be the most spectacularly appointed upper-east side pre-war apartment in all of New York. Decorated in breathtaking high style, it turns out that Tom Schumacher’s partner, interior designer Matthew White did the work, and it’s absolutely impeccable. We are lead into a bright and sunny kitchen off of which is a deck overlooking Central Park.
PH
I eat here every morning. Quite the view, isn’t it?
We are served a traditional English breakfast, and our host offers us more tea in the living room. We retire to the living room where P.H. graciously agreed to be video taped for the remainder of the interview, which you can see in these three video segments.
Click for video clips from the interview (all are in WMV format):
Our host excuses himself and we follow him downstairs only a few minutes later, with Fifi in tow on a long rhinestone studded leash. A limo is waiting outside to take us to the New Amsterdam.
PH
Would you like to see the show again this afternoon, or would just prefer to wait for me in my dressing room?
LP
We’ll wait for you in your dressing room, if you don’t mind. We’ve never been back stage on a Broadway show before!
PH
Certainly. My only advice is don’t touch anything, the Unions are rather prickly about touching things backstage.
We pull up to the stage door of The New Amsterdam and are immediately mobbed by throngs of other umbrellas. An adorable, if a bit over-eager little blue Totes scampers up with pen in stave asking Parrot Head for his autograph. A stylish old-school see-through vinyl bubble umbrella “of a certain age�? waits patiently to one side. Finally, after most of the crowd has disappeared the bubble umbrella approaches P.H.
“Mister Bumbershoot?�?, she calls out. “Do you remember me?�?
P.H. looks her over with a smile, but without any real sense of recognition.
“Should I?�? he winks.
“I don’t expect you’d recall, but back in New York in 1963 the studio publicity department hired me as your date for the premier of the film. Remember?�?
A look of total surprise overtakes P.H., and his beak begins to quiver.
“Why, bless my soul! Polly? Polly Esther! What have you been up to all these years? Why you look just the same as the day you and I walked the red carpet together�?, he whispers.
“Oh, please. I’m a little cloudier and scuffed, but aren’t you kind,�? she answers. “Well, I went on to Hollywood and did a couple of small parts in some minor films. I worked with Lynn Redgrave in ‘Georgy Girl’ and then did some guest spots on television. I had a White Rain hairspray ad that ran for a while, and then suddenly I went out of style not long thereafter and they just stopped calling.�?
“Well, don’t I know exactly how you feel�?, P.H. intoned softly. “Won’t you please be my guest and watch the show from the wings tonight? Then you can join my friends and I for a bite to eat.�?
She nods eagerly as P.H. looks back over his shoulder and tosses us a glance. “Wait for me in my dressing room, and then perhaps you’d like to interview a real star, yes?�?
A class act, indeed.
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Rhett Wickham is a regular editorial contributor to LaughingPlace.com. and the publication Tales From The Laughing Place. He works as creative development and story consultant in Orlando and Los Angeles where he lives with his husband, artist Peter Narus. Mr. Wickham is the founder and principal of Creative Development Ink©® providing writing for film and themed entertainment and working with screenwriters, story artists, and producers. Among his recent projects is “I'm Reed Fish�? for Executive Producer Akiva Goldsman, which debuted at the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival. Prior to working in feature animation and themed entertainment production, Mr. Wickham worked as an actor and stage director in NYC. He is a Directing Fellow with the Drama League of New York and in 2003 he was honored with the Nine Old Men Award from Laughing Place readers, “for reminding us why Disney Feature Animation is the heart and soul of Disney.�?
The opinions expressed by our Rhett Wickham, and all of our columnists, do not necessarily represent the feelings of LaughingPlace.com or any of its employees or advertisers. All speculation and rumors about the future plans of the Walt Disney Company are just that - speculation and rumors - and should be treated as such.
-- Posted March 9, 2007