Welcome back my shiny Sasha Farbers! We started the show with shots of Julianne and Carrie Ann looking gorgeous, but that is just the tip of it this week, as it is Most Memorable Year. That means, we have a LOT of tears heading out way. Are you ready? Let’s get to it! BA BA DA BA BA BA BA BA BA DA BA BA!
- Nastia & Derek-Tango: They were immediately announced as safe, with got just a smattering of applause from the crowd. Their end is near, I can smell it in the air. My DWTS senses are at an all time high, so I can predict these things. In honor of her triumph in 2008 at the Summer Olympics, they danced a strong and stunning routine. Since Derek is the choreographer, a fabric tent covered the ballroom floor, because it seems to be in his contract that at least one dance a season must include one. Woof. Incredible lines, nice lifts…and utterly boring. Am I the only one that thinks this? Let me know, because I would love to know if I’m in the minority. Len wanted more of a normal Argentine Tango, even though he thought it was a good dance. On All Access, Bruno just collapsed when the dance ended. Len stuck out his tongue and did a weird hand motion after being ridiculed from the Skybox that made me think he’s been hanging out with David Miscavige lately…#TopicalReference. An 8 from Len, a 10 from Bruno (*see collapse), and two 8s.
- Michael & Peta-Rumba: Here’s a quick recap of his memorable year~ Brother shot, dad leaves family, becomes close with dad again, comes out as gay (applause from audience!), dad insults son in New York Times, “You just lost a son again.” That is a whirlwind of emotions to wrap into a 2 minute routine. However, they did it quite well. Hips and lines greatly improved, which Julianne loved. Bruno told him that his struggle was worth it and his best dance yet. Len explained his enjoyment with the dance with a very fuzzy tunnel metaphor that was reminiscent of this. Most importantly, Lea Thompson was crying, and that is all that really matters. Two SEHVENs, from Carrie Ann and Len, and two 8s.
- Riker & Allison-Tango: His most memorable year was less than 4 months ago, which did make me laugh out loud. His year was memorable due to R5, his family band (that isn’t my favorite family band), finally making it (Debatable). Enough with the quips, because it was ah-mazing. I am so on board with this couple. I think I was so anti-Allison last season because I couldn’t fully understand her choreography, due to Johnathan Bennett’s incompetency. His flicks were Meryl level. MERYL LEVEL! His posture was iffy, noticed by Julianne, but his lines were crisp and he was very sharp. He was N*SYNC with Allison throughout the dance. Julianne also mentioned how they Pop, like the 19th re-branding of the TV Guide Network. Two 8s, from Carrie Ann and Len, and two 9s (which they were SO proud of).
- Robert & Kym-Waltz: Y’all, I cried. I don’t think I’ve truly ever cried at a dance before, but I cried. He explained, through the tears, the story of his mother’s passing. He did the show in honor of her, so being able to dedicate a dance too was just icing on the cake. Holy crapola though, it was his best yet. Beautiful lines, very sharp, and wonderful AMAZING posture. Carrie Ann cried (duh, it was deserved!) and loved the elegance. Len said it was his best dance yet, I say worthy of the Len Salute! Julianne cried, talked about his amazing posture, which got Robert so darn excited. He loves the show and wants to be there, which is oh so refreshing. Then he went and said it was his mom’s favorite song. MORE MARSHAL TEARS! Two 8s, from Carrie Ann and Julianne, and two 9s.
- Chris & Witney-Rumba: His most memorable year is happening, because being a farmer isn’t as exciting as being the Bachelor, even though I would argue Juan Pablo would argue that the Bachelor isn’t memorable at all. ANYWAY, the dance was very eh. He never fully extends, which translates to awkward hips, which translates to bad scores. Bruno complimented his better turns, while Len straight up (DWTS RECAP DANCE BREAK!) said “That wasn’t that great.” Suck on that truth pop, Chris! After some awkward pauses and banter in the Skybox, Erin just went “Wanna see some scores?” BRILLIANT! A 6 from Len (TRUTH POP!) and three SEHVENs.
- Patti & Artem-Jazz: 1973 was the year she went to Japan with her husband, had some sake, and got pregnant. That needs to be the Japanese Tourism Board’s new slogan. Wonderful fan work turned in a fast-paced and uber fun routine. Julianne’s reaction on All Access can be summed up as “YAHHHHHSSSSS!” Bruno said it was hot, while Carrie Ann “WOOOOO!”ed for a solid 7 minutes. “Julianne wants to dance with Patti, but I wanna drink sake with her.” Erin, you are killing it! Two SEHVENs, from Len and Julianne, and two 8s. I have some issue with those scores, which will be discussed later.
- Rumer & Val-Waltz: It began on a lazy susan. Automatic 10, if I was judging. Dare I say, the dance was Meryl level? Lines were stunning, chemistry was at an all-time high, and the flow of the dance was just like a river (Pocahontas would’ve LOVED it). Glenn Close was crying by the end of it. If Albert Nobbs cries at your dance, you are doing pretty darn well. Frankly, it was better than Nastia, too. Bruno said toe pointing was iffy, while Carrie Ann was just stunned. Len didn’t think it fully was a waltz, which I agree with since it was very contemporary based, but he still enjoyed it. Demi was so proud! An 8 from Len, and three 9s.
- Suzanne & Tony-Foxtrot: She really excels when it comes to dances in hold. In honor of John Ritter, she danced to the Three’s Company theme song. You have no idea how much joy this brought me. Actually, it brought me the same joy this girl has.
- (Suzanne contd.) Nice lines, elegance was fantastic, and her legs always look to be in such a proper position. Bruno and Julianne both want her to put her shoulders down, but they enjoyed it. She got straight SEHVENs. Now, I love Miss Patti more than the next human, but if she is getting two 8s, Suzanne needs at least two 8s. Tony got a little ticked, which always makes me uncomfortable. Let’s hope the judges give better scores next week! (Side note: My personal tribute to John Ritter includes watching Amy Yasbeck on the early 2000s revival of I’ve Got A Secret.)
- Willow & Mark-Contemporary: Ladies and Gents, I have a new all-time favorite dance. The amazing-ness that was on the dance floor was unparalleled. First off, Mark is at a career high with his dance concepts this season, and this was no exception. Portraying the Hunger Games in such a stunning, gorgeous, and moving way was just what Willow needed to get even better scores and show that she is the REAL front-runner in this competition. Carrie Ann was blown away, and with good reason. A 9 from Len, but the rest were 10s! Katniss would be proud.
- Noah & Sharna-Contemporary: Clearly the most moving and poignant year story went to Noah, but how he overcome his hardships is truly inspirational. He got 3 standing ovations. THREE! Even Streisand doesn’t get that! Maybe because she isn’t one very special person? Anywho, the Toby Keith song did not match the mood, but who cares, because it was his best dancing. His best fluidity and musicality, along with strength in his lines and his stellar lifts. Noah’s parents were there, which made me tear up. Everyone was crying, Carrie Ann was mesmerized, then Len commissioned the third standing o. Straight 8s from the judges.
Michael and Peta are leaving us this week, luckily on his best dance. WIllow takes first place this week (YAHS!) with Chris in last. Next week is going to be a good one, as Disney Night returns to the ballroom! I’ll be live tweeting, recapping, and possibly Periscoping next week’s episode, so stay tuned for info!
This week’s memorable dance is from third place finisher Candace Cameron-Bure, who seemed to slide through after lukewarm reception throughout the season. However, her Jazz routine to Janet Jackson is one I watch about once a month. Check it out below!
Marshal Knight is a writer based in Orlando, FL. He is the co-owner of the pop culture blog UMSURE.com and the full owner of a Rosie O’Donnell Barbie. He’d like to thank Sandra Oh.