It’s December 23rd and that can only mean one thing: Happy Festivus! As we’ve done in years past, we thought we’d celebrate the Festivus season by reflecting on the year in Disney in a way that would make Frank Costanza proud, including the traditional Airing of Grievances, the Feats of Strength, and a celebration of Festivus Miracles. It’s a Festivus for the rest of us!
The Airing of Grievances
“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! Now, you’re gonna hear about it!”
The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. While we admire most of what The Walt Disney Company does over the course of a given year, there is always room for error and bad decisions. Here are some of the ways Disney let us down in 2023:
Disney Cruise Line’s sneaky changes
In just the past couple of weeks, Disney Cruise Line has made two unpopular changes without much notice. First, they adjusted the age range for its Oceaneer Club, lowering the max from 12 to 10. While this might not affect many cruisers, the short notice didn’t leave those who it does affect much time to consider their options.
Soon after that, it was discovered that DCL also adjusted its Castaway Club terms. Now, members may lose their status if it’s been more than five years since their last cruise. So far, none of the questions fans have regarding this change have been answered — leading to even more confusion and frustration. After 25 years, you’d think they’d have these things figured out.
The great Disney+ purge
Last week, The Mysterious Benedict Society scored some Emmys, including a win for Tony Hale. Would you like to see that award-winning performance? Well that’s too darn bad because the entire show was pulled from the streaming service earlier this year (along with plenty of other content). While some movies have resurfaced for purchase, Mysterious Benedict Society, Prop Culture, and other favorites essentially no longer exist. And for what? A tax write-off?
More wishy-washy, half-baked announcements
Disney revealed that it intends to “supercharge” its theme park investments over the next 10 years. That’s great news! However, when it comes to current projects on the docket, the company — and Disney Experiences chairman Josh D’Amaro — have mostly spoken in “maybes.” Maybe we’ll build something Encanto. Maaaybe Coco too. Maaaaaaybe we’ll replace Dinosaur with Indy, but who’s to say for sure? Please just come to a decision and let us know what it is. Otherwise, go the Universal route and build a “churro stand” until it’s actually about ready to open.
The Feats of Strength
And now, as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength. 2023 may not have been a great year for Disney overall but they did flex their muscles at home and abroad. Here, well, one example:
Elemental’s box office turn around
After Pixar’s Elemental had a less-than-stellar opening weekend, headlines were brutal. Yet, by the time it ended its run, the film was a success, making nearly half a billion dollars worldwide. Whether it’s Seabiscuit, The Mighty Ducks, Kim Kardashian, or Elemental, everyone loves a comeback story.
Festivus Miracles
What other explanation can there be? These were truly Festivus miracles:
Disney+ premiere times
It’s inexplicable that it took Disney four years to realize that people don’t want to have to wait until midnight (or 3 a.m. on the East Coast) to watch new shows! Next step: make the 6 p.m. launch completely standard rather than trying to surprise us like you did with Percy Jackson.
Pandemic-era Pixar output coming to theatres
Last Festivus, we bemoaned the disrespect that animation was enduring as films went directly to Disney+. Well, thankfully, that will be partially rectified in the coming weeks as three Pixar films will be coming to the big screen: Soul, Turning Red, and Luca. It may not be complete justice for these great films, but it’s certainly welcomed news nonetheless.
TRON Lightcycle / Run actually opened at Magic Kingdom
Approximately a decade and a half (give or take) after it was announced, the coaster finally debuted domestically. Now we wait for the third film to happen.