This article was originally published in 2007 by Daniel Kaplan. It is one of of the most viewed articles in the history of LaughingPlace.com. Though a lot has happened at Disney World in the past 9 years, it is being posted just as it was back then.
Disney theme parks have long been known for the wonderful use of architecture, lighting and music to create magical stories. What’s often less talked about are the great scripts also heard by guests on a daily basis in the parks. To me, it’s one of the biggest Disney differences that set the parks above others. How often do people remember quotes from rides at Cedar Point or Six Flags Great America after all? Let’s take a look at what I think are the top 50 best quotes of Walt Disney World, both past and present.
#50 – “That just goes to show that anything can happen in the movies.” Host, Great Movie Ride
What was a relaxing tour through the world of movie quickly becomes dangerous when a troublesome gangster or rambunctious cowboy takes over control. With just a little bit of movie magic, your original host emerges triumphant and utters what everybody is thinking. The cliche line is a great capper to the visual gag.
#49 – “Talk about your weakest link!” – Regis Philbin, Who Wants to be a Millionaire Play It!
In an unusual departure for Disney theme parks, Regis Philbin makes a direct potshot at the opponent. The opponent being the Weakest Link game show, then airing on rival network NBC.
#48 – “Mr. Baxter, if you think you’re seeing mermaids and sea monsters, you’ve been submerged too long!” Captain Nemo, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Mr. Baxter has got to be one of the more famous theme park characters who’s never seen and rarely heard from. The character also appeared in Disneyland’s Submarine Voyage, but unfortunately was left out from the current Finding Nemo version. The irony that the audience is clearly seeing the mermaids and sea monsters, while Captain Nemo cannot see them made for a very fun show scene.
#47 – “Dam!” Pumbaa, Circle of Life
In an unusually sly double entendre, Pumbaa exclaims the word “dam,” while looking at Hoover Dam. A very funny moment, albeit a little strange for a mostly philosophical presentation about humans coexistence with nature.
#46 – “You might say I’m sort of a. . .commuter computer.” – Orac One, Wedway People Mover
Riders on the Wedway People Mover enjoyed the comedic antics of Orac One, who based on my ears was voiced by Ronnie Schell (who also voiced Jake the Cat in Cat From Outer Space).
#45 – “And another thing…those locked coordinates…we’re in!” – Dr. Grant Seeker, Dinosaur
In a move pulled from Jurassic Park, the brainy scientist Dr. Grant Seeker nearly kills the entire mission crew by hacking into the computer system. Never trust your programmer.
#44 – “I almost bounced clear out of the ride!” – Tigger, Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh
This line is very similar to a lines in the movie where characters reference jumping clear out of the book, or turning pages to keep characters from falling out of the book. In many ways, the quote is unique as Tigger is referencing he is part of a theme park attraction. That sort of self-referencing is not commonly found in theme park scripts.
#43 – “Rat, schmat, besides…they’re tourists…what do they know?” – Rizzo, Muppet Vision 3D
In a scene that always brings down the house, Rizzo decides to parade out in a very flimsy Mickey Mouse costume. Sam the Eagle is not impressed.
#42 – “Miss Jobson, no one in Africa calls them Thomson’s Gazelle. They are tommies, tommies!” – Warden Wilson Matua, Kilimanjaro Safaris
A favorite line of many children upon exiting Kilimanjaro Safaris, I think it’s the absolute indignation on Wilson Matua’s part that makes this line so funny.
#41 – “The Big Apple. New York, New York. City of ten million dreams … and one parking space.” – Timekeeper, Timekeeper
Timekeeper had a particularly funny script with a lot of great one-liners. One wonders how many of those were brought in by notorious ad-libber Robin Williams.
#40 – “She didn’t land on anyone, did she?” Nigel Channing, Honey I Shrunk the Audience
Occasionally Disney attractions venture into the macabre, particularly in the 3-d films. Are there too many other times that Disney might reference guests being crushed by a huge object as the source of a joke?
#39 – “It happens to everyone, one day you ask “Where did I come from? How did I get here? What’s it like being born?” – Making of Me
Making of Me’s script was really quite remarkable, especially considering the strange nature of the attraction itself. In tackling what has to be one of the most difficult concepts for a Disney attraction to date, the Making of Me managed to pull together a heartwarming script that deserves to be admired. Sex can be a very sensitive subject, but the Making of Me gave it respect and dignity that I’ve honestly seen in almost nothing else.
#38 – “In this Hall of Presidents, we look upon a mirror of ourselves, the leaders we have chosen to safeguard our rights and our ideals, to imagine the future, and to embrace its challenges.” – Narrator, Hall of Presidents
The Hall of Presidents has stood the test of time for one basic reason, which is that seeing all of the presidents standing on one stage is a very powerful image. With this line the attraction transforms from the mere spectacle of Audio Animatronics, to something that is much more thought-provoking. As the names of the presidents are read, moments in history pass through our mind. “A mirror of ourselves” is a fantastic way of putting the representation the presidents have to their time and to the people of that time.
#37 – “There is a great and lasting truth about the family of man. A truth which separates us from all the other creatures of the Earth. We can dream.” – The Sage of Time, Tapestry of Nations
Surely fewer theme park parades have been classier than or as inspiring as Tapestry of Nations. Moving without being cloying or condescending, Tapestry of Nations demonstrated powerful concepts of peace and harmony.
#36 – “Verged on the threshold of infinity, we see our world as it truly is: small, silent, fragile, alive, a drifting island in the midnight sky. It is our spaceship, our Spaceship Earth.” – Spaceship Earth (pre 1986)
The original script for Spaceship Earth shows an even greater influence from the works of Ray Bradbury. It’s quotes like this that show just how versatile theme park attractions can be.
#35 – “Impossible? No, sir. This may be improbable, but believe me, it’s not impossible.” – HG Wells, Timekeeper
The second quote from the great Circlevison 360 film Timekeeper.
#34 – “Use your head, don’t lose your head” – Buzzy, Cranium Command
This piece of advice was repeated often throughout the Cranium Command show. It’s very interesting that the “moral” if you will turned out to be about keeping calm and not getting overly stressed under extreme pressure situations. It’s even more interesting when you consider the movie was played at a theme park, where guests are often stressed out over long lines and the heat.
#33 – “Now some person I don’t even know reminds me there’s no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography allowed in my dream.” – Ellen, Ellen’s Energy Adventure
Another self referencing quote which has to be one of the more creative introductions to a safety spiel in theme park history.
#32 – “Make it a stretch. . .On the other hand, make it a super stretch.” – Manager, Rock ‘n Roller Coaster
A somewhat corny line, but try standing in the pre-show waiting area at Rock ‘n Roller Coaster and not hear the other guests recite this along with the manager.
#31 – “But enough of this chit chat, yick yack, and flim flam.” – Henry, Country Bear Jamboree
The original Country Bear Jamboree has a wonderful folksy charm that has kept it popular now for over 30 years.
#30 – “I hope you enjoy our story tonight, Reflections of Earth. (Blows out flame).” – Narrator, Reflections of Earth
Sometimes simplicity works best and I can think of few better examples than the opening narration of Reflections of Earth. Illuminations deals with so many concepts regarding the earth’s history that it would be far too easy to try to explain away the whole show to the audience. Instead, the creators wisely let the show speak for itself.
#29 – “And it rained…and it rained…and it rained…the deluge.” Narrator, The Seas
The opening film for the Living Seas pavilion has often been ridiculed by Disney fans as being too pretentious and boring. The film did however, have this one famous line that fans would go on to repeat on a regular basis.
#28 – “Ha, a figment of imagination!” – Dreamfinder, Journey Into Imagination
The original Journey Into Imagination had a big impact with many fans of the classic dark ride genre. Figment would turn out to be one of the most popular original characters created for a theme park.
#27 – “Not only see your highness, but hear.” Captain Eo, Captain Eo
In a somewhat controversial and certainly trendy move, Disney decided to use Michael Jackson to star in what would become the equivalent of a 3-D music video. With this line, Captain Eo reveals his secret weapon, which turns out to be his musical talent.
#26 – “If you enjoyed this cruise my name is ___________ and this has been the world famous Jungle Cruise, if you didn’t my name is ____________ and this has been Space Mountain.” – Skipper, Jungle Cruise
This is the first quote from the Jungle Cruise to appear on this list. The Jungle Cruise is one of the most script heavy attractions currently operating in Walt Disney World. With the passing of time the show scenes along the river have become less of the draw than the skipper’s witty commentary about the ride. While there are countless jokes used on the Jungle Cruise that keep the guests groaning, this is one of the more famous. It’s an old standard joke made even funnier by the simple fact that the skipper is trying to undermine another Disney attraction. This sort of self deprecating humor is not often found in the very professional and self-important Disney attraction scripts.