The final trailer for Disney’s live action remake of Beauty and the Beast launched tonight amidst the… romantic… exploits of Nick, aka The Bachelor. I say remake and not “reimagining” because after seeing this final trailer, I am convinced that this is a shot-for-shot remake of the film. Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes… or look at the photographic evidence below:

Look at Belle’s village! Look at the fountain! The sheep will be eating the pages of her book in, like, 45 seconds.

And Chip’s greatest asset is his ability to blow bubbles out of the top of his head.

They have neon lights and fireworks, just like in the animated movie. At this point, all I ask is that a bunch of spoons dive into a punch bowl in an homage to Busby Berkeley.

No one croons like Gaston!

“I told you never to come here! Get out! GEEEEET OUUUUUUUT!!!!!!” – Beast, 1992

Nuh uh, girl! He just saved your life! Turn yourself around and help him limp back to the castle so you can sanitize his wounds and get us to “Something There.”

You go, girl!

CGI Beasts can’t use spoons either.

“Barely even friends, then somebody bends…” But not unexpectedly. I’ve seen the animated film 47 times, so I knew this was coming.

Choreography by Mark Henn and Glen Keane.

“We don’t like what we don’t understand because it scares us and this monster is mysterious at least…. KILL THE BEAST!”

Don’t let the girl distract you! LOOK BEHIND YOU! GAAAAAAH!

And then the part where we all legit cry from sadness, then continue to cry from happiness, and then ask whoever we went with to wait a minute after the credits start so you can dry your eyes discreetly and find the strength to act casual.

Maybe I’m being too harsh, though. I mean, in this scene Belle says “Come into the light” instead of “Step into the light.” So… different film.

All kidding aside, I am really excited for this. The score sounds epic! Yes, they’re using the same Menken score, but the arrangements are so grand and reminiscent of The Phantom of the Opera. We also get to hear a little bit of Ariana Grande’s version of “Beauty and the Beast” and I have to admit, it doesn’t sound horrible like I was sure it would. Also, Celine Dion is doing a song, probably the one after that if you stay through the credits, which I recommend doing (to dry your soggy eyes!). So let’s all watch that trailer again and break another YouTube record, shall we?

And on March 17th, let’s all gather at our local cinemas and break a March box office record. I’ll see you there.


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