A Disney Festivus Celebration for the Rest of Us! 2019

It’s December 23rd and that can only mean one thing: Happy Festivus! As we’ve done in years past, we thought we’d celebrate the Festivus season by reflecting on the year in Disney in a way that would make Frank Costanza proud, including the traditional Airing of Grievances, the Feats of Strength, and a celebration of Festivus Miracles. It’s a Festivus for the rest of us!

The Airing of Grievances

“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! Now, you’re gonna hear about it!”

The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. While we admire most of what The Walt Disney Company does over the course of a given year, there is always room for error and bad decisions. Here are some of the ways Disney let us down in 2019:

Epcot Forever’s soundtrack

After killing off the long-running IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth at Epcot this year, the park decided to try to appease fans by introducing a new yet nostalgic nighttime spectacular the very next evening titled Epcot Forever. As the name implied, it is to be a temporary show (see: Disneyland Forever) that celebrates the history and, more specifically, the music of the experimental park. But, why use perfectly good renditions of these classics when you can make them all sound like an elementary school recital instead?! Top it off with an out-of-left-field flight over Agrabah and now we see that this was just a clever ploy to make us appreciate HarmonioUS when it arrives next year.

Triple Force Friday fail

With the release of the final entry into the Skywalker saga then on the horizon, Disney announced its largest Force Friday merchandise event earlier this year, dubbing it “Triple Force Friday.” The “Triple” referenced the fact that not only would Rise of Skywalker toys and apparel be hitting the shelves but so would items for The Mandalorian and Star Wars: Jedi – Fallen Order. Unfortunately, while the company was great about building hype for the event, they apparently weren’t as adept at actually stocking the shelves as Disneyland opened at midnight with not a one highly sought-after Hasbro Black Series figure to be found. Depending on who you ask, this would not be the only disappoint to befall Star Wars fans this year.

Galaxy’s Edge’s over-the-top promotion

Speaking of Star Wars, this year marked the opening of Disney’s ambitious Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge projects at Disneyland and Disney’s Hollywood Studios. While we here at LP are mostly big fans of these expansions, we were far less enthusiastic about the company’s attempts to make normies care about their debut. As we mentioned in our annual Turkey of the Year write-up, these efforts included jamming Galaxy’s Edge references into several ABC prime-time shows — not to even mention the constant plugs on the network’s “news” programs such as Good Morning America and The View. As one pop starlet so eloquently stated this year, you need to calm down.

One Day at Disney misses its potential (so far)

Before we get into it, we’d be remiss not to mention that One Day at Disney was already facing an uphill battle before its debut thanks to Disney’s odd decision to promote the show/book’s D23 panel as a “secret Disney project” to be announced only hours before the Expo’s kick-off. Needless to say, some of those who used their limited Show Pass to book a spot in said panel were a bit disappointed — although Twitter’s overactive dreaming may be to blame there. In any case, removed from that miscalculation, the premise of the project sounded promising and it seemed like it would be interesting to get a peek at the daily lives of some of Disney’s less-celebrated employees and Cast Members. Alas, while the book may have achieved this goal in part, the documentary feature fell a bit short. What’s more, the first of the accompanying docu-shorts was mostly just a rehash from one of the film’s segments. Hopefully subsequent shorts can get things back on track and live up to its potential but, in the meantime, you’re on notice, One Day at Disney.

The Feats of Strength

And now, as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength. 2019 was another great year for Disney overall as they flexed their muscles at home and abroad. Here are a few examples:

Disney demolishes its own box office record

Two years ago, Disney became the first studio in history to top $7 billion at the worldwide box office. Then, they repeated that feat last year. As for 2019, well, Disney basically obliterated the box office thanks to megahits like Avengers: Endgame and over-performing remakes like The Lion King and Aladdin. On December 8th — notably before the opening Rise of Skywalker — The Walt Disney Studios passed a historic $10 billion in global box office receipts. Oh, and no, this doesn’t even include Fox films!

Rise of the Resistance gets raves

Well, we may have had to wait a bit longer for it — and wake up crazy early in the morning to ride it — but Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance is worth it! By combining multiple technologies and ride systems to create a truly epic experience, Disney also may have wrestled their crown back from Universal post-Hagrid’s Magical 10-Hour Wait Creatures Motorbike Adventure. By the way, although the ride endured some frequent operational issues early on, it seems like those are starting to smooth out, meaning this nearly qualifies as a Festivus Miracle as well.

Baby Yoda” rules the world

I think we all knew that Disney+’s The Mandalorian would be a big deal both for Star Wars and for the streaming service… but I don’t think anyone saw this coming (except Jon Favreau, of course). Soon after “The Child” made its first appearance on the series, it became a meme sensation that won’t quit. Most impressive is that, although Disney is now starting to pump out merch for the adorable addition to the Star Wars universe, it actively decided to forgo those fortunes and keep the lil’ baby a secret from all. Next up: Babu Frik?

Festivus Miracles

What other explanation can there be? These were truly Festivus miracles:

A Grand Floridian-Magic Kingdom walkway is coming

To quote a famous 20th Century Fox film, “It’s been 84 years.” Okay, perhaps it hasn’t been quite that long, but fans have been dreaming of a way to walk to Magic Kingdom from other non-Contemporary Monorail loop resorts for pretty much forever. Soon that fantasy will become reality as a new bridge will cross the Seven Seas Lagoon, connecting The Grand Floridian to the castle park — and, in turn, make it technically possible to hoof it to or from MK to/from the TTC. Miracle!

Spider-Man saved (again)

In our inaugural Disney Festivus celebration back in 2015, we rejoiced that Spider-Man was coming home to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yet, for a few weeks there, it seemed that move was being reversed. That was until Iger, Sony Pictures, and a potentially inebriated Tom Holland got together to make a new deal happen. It’s the Festivus miracle that keeps on giving!

Miracle on 34th Street is now in the Disney library

Literal Miracle!

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